I’m not good enough, probably not a popular statement, in a day and age, where it is widely touted that “the power is within you”, “all you have to do is believe”. It’s also probably not how I would recommend starting off a self-esteem conversation with a friend that needs an encouraging word. But, what I’m talking about isn’t a put down or a berating of yourself, it’s a reality check.
Confession time again…I have spent much of my life attempting to be good enough. I have worked long and hard and given it my best. I have attempted to prove my worthiness to those that love me and sometimes even to those that don’t appear to care for me all too much. Oh, the energy I have expended trying to create an impressive record for myself.
I don’t know if you’ve realized this in your own life, but I have on several occasions run myself into the ground in my efforts to be good enough. It’s tiring, it’s a full-time job. Trying to be good enough makes it impossible to be present and real in your relationships. Trying to be good enough takes your eyes off of what matters and if I’m painfully honest with myself is because I’m making things about me, again!
I have experienced the heartache that comes when you try your darndest and you don’t measure up, you get passed over, rejected, kicked off, kicked out, ignored and you get up, dust yourself off and say, “I’ll just try harder”. Don’t get me wrong, excellence is essential, hard work, dedication and using the gifts and blessings you’ve been given is important, but all of the most amazing tricks in the world, doesn’t make a person good enough.
“I’m not good enough”, it’s a statement of fact not of condemnation. It’s a reality check not a put down. You see, I am good enough, simply because God says I am, because before I ever existed He saw me, loved me, chose me and made a way for me. He makes me good enough!
And I’m telling you people the fact that I’m not good enough on my own is a very freeing thing to admit, kinda takes the pressure off! This truth allows me to take a deep breath, relax and live this life God has gifted me with. G-R-A-C-E, such a beautiful word and I think it can only be experienced when you realize your just not good enough. I want to learn to walk restfully in this grace and I think it starts with admitting I can’t pull this thing off even when I try with all my might, realize He is more than enough and that is good enough with me!!
One thought on “I’m Not Good Enough”
Dear, dear, Denise:
How I love you. There is a depth in you that emerges in your writings. It is a great gift to inspire and make known things in ourselves that we were not aware of. Things, great and good because of God, and things that that make us realize our need of God, His cleansing, and His help. Thank you. my dear granddaughter, you are loved by many and you are loved by me. Sweet dreams tonight.