I was born with an old soul. Almost without exception, I was the responsible one, usually slightly stressed with a strong drive to perform and achieve. Someone who would sit back and take it all in and survey the situation then proceed with caution. Probably (o.k. definitely) more on the serious side, always planning, always thinking. A good listener and if you needed something done I was your girl!
Beginning at a fairly young age, for various reasons, I felt I was simply not good enough, not acceptable. I would spend countless hours thinking of what or who I wanted to be. Someone cute, adorable really, with a bubbly personality, maybe a little footloose and fancy free. Someone who could work the crowd and never know a stranger. I guess, I wanted to be everything I felt I wasn’t.
It breaks my heart that I spent so many years of life rejecting myself, dare I say hating myself. Endless amounts of time and energy seeing everything negative about who I was and how I had been knit together, what or who I wished I was; instead of seeing all that I could be as the one and only me.
I share all this not because I want anyone to tell me they like me or that they think I’m good enough. I share this because I haven’t liked me and I haven’t felt I was good enough and I wonder if maybe you have struggled with this as well? So, what about you? Have you ever wished you were more something and less something else? Have you spent time saying to yourself, if only I could be like, or look like, or…and the list goes on…
God has been talking with me about how I view myself and how that puts limits on what He desires to do in me and through me. I guess I am starting to realize, maybe truly for the first time in my life that God has a plan for who I am. I mean I know this in my mind and yes, I’ve read in His word that He has a plan, but I don’t know that I truly felt or believed that He made me, uniquely me, as a part of His plan. He put these pieces together that make up me, for a reason. I may not know the plan or understand the reasons, but I know He’s got both covered. He knew I would need the characteristics, gifts and abilities He placed on the imprint of who I am to live the life He has called me to live and be the person He has called me to be.
If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell her:
“You are enough. There is nothing you can do or say to make God love you more than He does right now this moment. There is nothing you can do or say to make Him love you less. You are imperfect and yet deeply loved. You are of such value that God Himself looked out into the expanse of time and made a way that you could live in wholeness and freedom. Your value will never be found in your stellar performance, the clothes in your closet, your weight on the scale, the amount of money in your bank account or the reflection you see in the mirror. You are dearly loved and chosen by God and that makes you more than enough!”
I want you to know, I would tell you the same thing! How wonderful it would be if we would all learn to appreciate who God made us to be. Not that we use it as an excuse to ignore the rough edges that need sanding but that we embrace the person He designed us to be. That we don’t spend another minute comparing ourselves to other’s and that we simply ask Him, “Father, what do you have in mind for this one of a kind creation?”
I plan on spending the rest of my days focused on being the best me for Him I can be. No more wishing and wasting my days away. I am the one and only me and you are the one and only you and Oh, How He loves us!! Be Encouraged!