Turtle Like Tendencies

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the old adage, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  I get the heart of this message and agree with it, truly this world does not need another voice joining the chorus of negativity, whining, complaining or insult throwing.  Beyond that, I try to be a person that if I am speaking I am hoping it is to add to the equation and not subtract.

A couple of months of dealing with serious family health struggles left me physically and emotionally tired, dealing with my own feelings of shame for failing at making desired progress in my life, for not being able to do everything well, add in my own physical crisis and all the issues that can make one consider left me in a place that I’d been before, back in my shell.  It’s dark and lonely there and deceptively “safe”. Continue reading “Turtle Like Tendencies”

The God Who Sees You

I was sharing with a friend a few months ago that I had really been struggling with feeling alone.  This is not completely off base, as I live alone, therefore I am physically alone, a good amount of time.  However, the feelings I was struggling with ran a bit deeper than this.  It is difficult for me to even explain, but I’ll try.  I think every person desires to be known, to be seen, to have a witness to their life.  It’s simple things, like someone knowing when you leave for work and if you got home late, someone who is around to see that I’m extra tired today or if I’m thinking about something.  It’s something as simple as the feeling I’ve had when I’m traveling for work, arrive at the hotel, check in and realize that no one is dying to know I arrived safely.  Mostly, I wade through these circumstances, try to avoid pity parties and keep moving, but every once and awhile the feelings come and wallop me and well to be honest, I feel downright sad and alone. Continue reading “The God Who Sees You”

The Christmas Blues

Well, this isn’t the happy little Christmas blog, I had anticipated writing, but it has come to my mind several times already this Christmas season, how melancholy I can sometimes feel during this “most wonderful time of year” and I see it in those around me as well.

I remember growing up going to my Grandma & Grandpa’s house every Christmas Eve, where we would hang out with the family around the very obnoxiously tinseled tree and we would open whatever Grandma had picked out for us that year from the Sears catalog. I don’t know how poppin’ of a party it truly was, but I sure look back on it fondly and even though my grandparents have now been gone for more of my life than I had them here, I still miss them at Christmas and every Christmas Eve feels a little empty. Continue reading “The Christmas Blues”