The Power of Confession

ConfessionSo I have something to confess and that’s this……umm…I don’t like to confess.  It’s true.  I find it tough to tell the truth sometimes.

I think of all the reasons why I shouldn’t.  I run all possible scenarios of how my truth-telling could go wrong.  I imagine what awful things others may think of me and then I stay quiet.

I don’t just save this struggle with confession to those around me, I also struggle with telling the truth in my relationship with God.  He knows you and I completely and loves us still and yet I struggle with confessing the truth of where I’m at, of how I’m feeling.  Anyone else? Continue reading “The Power of Confession”

Little Bird

little birdYou were created a unique one of a kind creation.  From the very beginning I knew your journey in life would be difficult but although small I made you strong so you’d be able to handle the winds of change, so you could soar above the stormy clouds, life would surely bring.

You’ve lived in different nests and I hope they’ve taught you about yourself and about Me.  I have been with you on every flight and every landing and wherever your journey takes you I will always be there.  There is nothing you can do or say to get rid of me, we are flight partners for life.  Continue reading “Little Bird”

When Mother’s Day is Hard

It definitely makes one feel vulnerable to share what your heart feels so deeply.  To let your heart bleed on “paper” for all to look at and comment on.  Please know as I write this I’m not looking for comments or fixes or platitudes.  I am simply using my voice to tell my heart’s story in the hopes that it will help ease the pain and loneliness that one may feel in their own story.

Moms are deserving of a day where they receive home-made cards, flowers, lunch made by someone else and extra loves as a “thank you” for all they pour out on others day in and day out.  Everyone in my immediate family is a mom, most of my friends are moms and they are some of the most amazing humans I know, who love big, try hard and do so in countless, selfless ways.  Moms Rock!  So, I don’t write this post to detract from all they deserve but to put voice to what I’m fairly certain is not only a heartache known to me.

There are multiple reasons why someone may not be a mom.  They may have chosen not to be,  they may have tried every means they could and nothing has worked or life just didn’t go the way we thought it would, you thought you were making the right decisions and maybe you were, but you didn’t end up at the destination you thought you were headed for.

When I was young, I would dream often about being a mom.  I would think of things I would want to do with my children, how many I wanted to have, what there names would be, memories I wanted to make, traditions I wanted to establish, becoming a mom was important to me.  Now as I sit here today in my 40’s, I don’t think of those things any more, now I think, “I wonder if I would’ve been a good mom?”, “I wonder if I would’ve made different decisions if I would’ve had a different outcome”, and “I wonder who will care for me when I’m old?”

I have attended Mother’s Day church service’s every Sunday for my entire life, as I’ve gotten older being a single person without a child, gets harder.  A few years ago, I was asked to speak on Mother’s Day Sunday, I talked about how God sees us.  From what I hear from others the talk went great, but after I was done, I was utterly miserable, to have what felt like a “spotlight” placed on me on a day that is tough for me, left me feeling so exposed that I wasn’t sure what to do with myself other than lay down and cry for a bit.

Last year as I stood at church singing during worship and my heart ached, I just couldn’t do it, I didn’t want to do it, so I left and you know what, that was ok.  I didn’t want to face having the mother’s stand while I sat or having someone say “Happy Mother’s Day” until they realize “oops, never mind”.  I just didn’t want to deal with it so I didn’t.

If you find yourself like me where you are torn between adoring the moms in your life and feeling the heart-break of the fact that you’re not one.  I just want to tell you, it’s ok.  It’s ok, to feel the pain, it’s ok, if you can’t keep a brave face on this year.  My prayer is that you find a way to honor those around you on this special day and also honor the fact that it’s a day that reminds you of a lost child or a lost dream.  I don’t know what that perfect balance is but we can try, and if we do it imperfectly, that’s ok too.  Give yourself some grace.

A special thank you to sweet friends who have allowed me to have a seat at their family table, who have bestowed upon me the “Auntie” title, that I hold dear, who have seen value in what a single person without children can offer even if we haven’t walked in your shoes.  Your inclusion and love means more than words can express and it is a joy and honor to be included.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mama’s and a GREAT BIG HUG for all those who will feel a little extra heartache tomorrow in the midst of the celebration.  You are each loved dearly ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Blessing of Heartache

I’d much rather write a blog post titled, “the blessing of success”, “the blessing of victory”, “the blessing of discovered dreams”, those all sound pretty sweet! “The Blessing of Heartache” doesn’t really thrill me, but I am learning that there is truth in it.

The situation itself doesn’t matter because hurt is hurt, right?   I don’t know about you but I don’t like feeling hurt, I just want it to go away.  I will attempt to ignore it, numb it, block it out, whatever it takes, to just not feel it!

I was sitting in church a couple Sunday’s ago and feeling some fresh hurt.  I had walked through a few days of tears and heart ache and just wanting the situation to be different and for all the feels I was feeling to go away.  Please tell me you know what I’m talking about?

As I sat in the church pew, I felt God speaking to my heart, so I listened as He reminded me that He gets it.  He knows hurt, He knows what it feels like to be rejected, He knows the feeling of loneliness, He is well acquainted with grief, He knows what its like to feel overwhelmed by what you face tomorrow.  What comfort I felt as He reminded me that He understands my hurt, He understands yours as well and because He loves us, He hurts with us.

At that moment, I felt something that is definitely not my normal response, but I was thankful for the what the heartache I’m walking through reminds me of.  The hurt causes me to realize to a greater degree how much I need God.  How I need His comfort, His wisdom and His strength to make it through.  The hurt causes me to make changes I might not make otherwise.  It’s easy to get comfortable, it’s easy to settle for less than the best and pain can cause me to move and make a change.

For those things I am thankful, and if pain leads me to realize these truths down deep in my soul, then there is blessing in the heartache.  You see, God cares more about our hearts, more about our eternity than our current circumstances.  Sometimes the heartache produces the change we ultimately need and for that we can all give thanks, even when it’s hard and yes, even if it hurts.

Be Encouraged!

 

 

Waking Up From A Dream

Dreams can be funny things and by funny, I guess I mean not so funny.  Last night I dreamed about someone, someone I used to know. I wasn’t thinking of this person as I drifted off to la la land and I don’t spend a great deal of time and energy thinking about this individual on a regular basis, but for whatever reason they made what felt like a very real appearance in my dreams last night.

I found myself waking up in the wee small hours of the morning, with tears on my pillow and an ache in my heart that felt almost unbearable.   In the dream, I was saying good-bye again and as I woke my body was physically feeling the heartache.  I got up to use the restroom and hoped as I laid back down that I would dream a new dream.

The dream and the feelings it left me with have lingered with me today.  A bit of a blanket of sadness and reflection and I am reminded that dreams in our awake life can kinda feel like this as well.

When a dream ends, sometimes, you need to feel the pain.  It’s ok to acknowledge the loss.  To learn that the heartache can hit you like a tidal wave but when it washes over you, to discover you are still standing.  That you can feel the heartbreak and keep breathing.  To realize, you can move forward after loss.   To understand you can mourn what was and what may never be but also look forward to the unending potential of new glorious dreams.

Maybe my dream last night was just to help give me permission to mourn that which feels like a loss but also to remember that there are other dreams to know.  To recognize that I can feel the pain that comes with the loss and still have hope for all that is to come.  Maybe you could use that same reminder today?

Be encouraged my friend!

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

I can hear Tina Turner in my head now, “What’s love got to do, got to do with it, what’s love but a second-hand emotion, what’s love got to do, got to do with it, who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”  Good question and she’s got a point!

I have thought often over the years that people are the best and worst part of life!  I know that may sound harsh, but let me explain.  Family and friendship can be so beautiful and sweet.  It is truly one of life’s greatest gifts to have someone who knows you in all your imperfectness and loves you still.  There is also the fact that if we love, we will get hurt and that part isn’t my favorite!  Relationships of all kinds at their best take time, work, attention, compromise and you will walk through times that are just plain hard.  I have just recently walked through this where I felt like I had poured into someone, let them in, only to have them betray me.  It was shocking, it was unexpected, it hurt deeply, it still stings and my immediate reaction is to want to shut down, put walls around my heart and not let anyone else in.

How do you react when someone mishandles the love you have shown?  What do you do when someone throws away the time and memories and you can’t make sense of it?  What do you do with the hurt when there is no “I’m sorry” and no explanation?  You may ask yourself as Ms. Turner did, “who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?”  I know that thought has crossed my mind lately.  These feelings are normal and completely understandable but they are not the final word.

1 Corinthians 13 known as the LOVE chapter says this:

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it;[a] but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages[b] and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever! Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture!10 But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

11 When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. 12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.[c] All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

13 Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

You see my friend, love has EVERYTHING to do with it!  Love is why He came, Love is why He went to the cross, Love is why He is faithful, Love is why He is persistent, Love is why He is so kind, Love is why He keeps on forgiving, Love is why He stays.

And so I have my answer, Love is why I will forgive, Love is why I will keep showing up, Love is why I will humble myself, Love is why I will open my heart again, Love is why and it has EVERYTHING to do with it!

Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the GREATEST of these is love ❤

YOU Are Valued

I was driving out-of-town this past week a couple of hours from home and pulled up to a stop light when I saw a sign posted that read, “You Are Valued”.  How awesome is that?!  Cause sometimes we need a reminder, don’t we?  I know I’ve been needing a little reminding lately and I was immediately thankful for whoever pounded that sign in the ground to remind me in the midst of a cold, foggy, quiet commute.

I want to remind you today.  In case you are doubting it or maybe it’s been a while since you’ve heard it and even longer since you’ve felt it.  YOU are valued!

You are valued NOT because of what you did or didn’t do, NOT because of your status or your label, NOT because of how many likes you got on that Facebook post or followers you have on Instagram.  NOT because of how accomplished and driven you are.  NOT even because of all the good you do.

You my friend are valued because you are YOU!  You with all your imperfections, You with your mess-ups.  You with your weakness.  You when you got it wrong.  You when you could’ve done better.  Your value isn’t in your doing or saying, it’s in your just being.

YOU are simply valued because you are unique, there is no one else just like you.  YOU are of great worth because the One that made you finds you priceless.  YOU are dear and there has never been a day when you were not fully known and completely loved.

Next time you start to doubt the truth hopefully you’ll run across a beautiful sign like I did OR else you can ask me and I’ll remind you of this never-changing truth. YOU are seen.  YOU are loved.  You are valued.

Be Encouraged!

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