Lessons from the Pain

How do you respond when you feel unsafe?  When you have exposed your weakness in an effort to be authentic, only to get a swift kick in the gut as a “thank you”.

I can tell you what my immediate reflex is.  Shut down mode.  Walls up.  Armor on.

How do you remain open and real in the midst of betrayal?  How do you continue to fully show up and engage when you have been hurt and disappointed?  How do you find a path forward with someone who may never own up to the harm they’ve caused?

I have not known how to navigate these waters, but a few things I’m learning.

  1.  Get some support – talk with someone who has walked a mile in your proverbial shoes, who has navigated treacherous territory and has stayed true to what’s important in life.  Find someone you admire and respect who can help you walk the high road even if the rest of the world has chosen the low route.
  2. Share the pain with those who love you – It can be hard to share when the details are tough but holding it all inside does no good for you or those that love you.  Share what you are facing, let those who love you, love on you.  Their encouragement and even their indignance on your behalf can give you a boost in fortitude to continue to show up and fight the good fight.
  3. Be gracious to yourself – Own what is yours to own and let go of the rest.  If the day was long and your energy is zapped, an early bed time is not a sign of weakness.  If you are all out of answers, that’s ok too.  If you are giving 110%, there should be no expectation of yourself to give more.  Be nice to you, you’re doing the best you can.
  4. Pray for wisdom – After being hurt it can be hard to determine who is for you and who may be against you.  Should I stay and walk through this pain or is this a sign I should cut and run?  How do I move forward in a way that is most honoring to God and others while dealing with my own hurt and anger?  I must have wisdom from above to navigate this treacherous path.
  5. Find the Gold – No matter if it was unfair, unwarranted or unwanted.  Find the gold.  Find the takeaway that you can hold closely with you as you move forward in life.  It may be hard at first to find any treasure in the pain but keep looking it’s always there for the finding; if you have the fortitude to keep searching through the shambles.
  6. Keep Doing You – Don’t let someone else’s mean words or disrespect change who you are.  Don’t shrink your personality or develop an alternative one in order to pacify those that don’t have your best in mind.  Do whatever it takes to purpose in your heart that you will continue to show up with a full heart, ready to do the next right thing.  You keep doing you!

It’s hard and it hurts but I’m learning that I will survive and I will learn along the way and in the end whatever that may be, I will be ok and because I serve a God who is loving and good.  He will find a way where I can’t see one yet and He may just use this current pain for my good and the good of others.

In the mean time, I’m committed to continuing to show up, to keep my feet firmly planted on the high road, to let others support me while I trust God and keep my eyes open for the goodness in the midst of the pain.

10 thoughts on “Lessons from the Pain

  1. Great insights! I love this — “Own what is yours to own and let go of the rest.” Thank you for sharing your wisdom with such grace….

  2. This is a tough one, isn’t it? We show up and be us, and are slammed. I am so in agreement with your steps of forward movement “through it all”. With God and true friends, being open to learn from the accusations…sorting, sifting, taking the treasure of lesson learned to heart and dumping the garbage rather than taking it up and packing it as our own baggage. God bless us everyone as we strive to live Christ to our world, forgiving them and ourselves, yet walking in wisdom to know what is truth.

    I love you, dear niece. I would love to say I wish you did not have to go through pain, and yet I have learned that pain is part of what brings growth in us. So instead I will say: Thank you for being open, transparent and loving even when in pain. Thank you for taking the treasure and dumping the garbage. Thank you for keeping on, bolder, better and wiser, brave lady. I love you, God loves you, your true friends love you. We will persevere and support one another. God bless you!

  3. Sounds like my twin, “shut down mode, walls up, armor on”! I so look forward to your posts, each one brings a smile and a serious thought process. Thank you

  4. hiya! i think i’m your twin also! amour, armour all the time! i’m so tired of the pain! thanks for the great thoughts. i think i can use at least some of them.
    blessings to you!

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