Turtle Like Tendencies

I’m sure you’re all familiar with the old adage, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  I get the heart of this message and agree with it, truly this world does not need another voice joining the chorus of negativity, whining, complaining or insult throwing.  Beyond that, I try to be a person that if I am speaking I am hoping it is to add to the equation and not subtract.

A couple of months of dealing with serious family health struggles left me physically and emotionally tired, dealing with my own feelings of shame for failing at making desired progress in my life, for not being able to do everything well, add in my own physical crisis and all the issues that can make one consider left me in a place that I’d been before, back in my shell.  It’s dark and lonely there and deceptively “safe”. Continue reading “Turtle Like Tendencies”

Bonus Time

June 27th I was sitting in the hospital with my dad who had been admitted days before, while my sister was taking my mom to the emergency room as she was not feeling right.  What we assumed would be a quick trip turned into a wild & scary ride! Hold onto your seats.

I will never forget entering her room in the critical care unit for the first time and seeing her hooked up to all these wires and monitors with a tube down her throat.  I don’t do hospital’s well to begin with so seeing my mom like this was rough.  I observed from a few feet away at first, I had been told she could likely hear us and know we were there and I wanted to get myself together so I didn’t reveal to her how I was feeling inside at that moment.  It took me a bit to compose myself, I approached the bed, rubbed her hand and said, “Hi Mama”.  That was all I could do before my throat started to constrict and tears came.  In another 10 minutes, I tried again, “Hey Mama, it’s me Denise, I’m here” and I was done again.  A few more deep breaths and I made another approach, “Hey Mama, it’s Denise, you’re in the hospital and they’re taking really good care of you, all of your family has been here, Dad’s feeling better and we all sure love you.”  That was all I could do before my voice starting to give me away again.  I worked my way up to scooting a chair by her bedside, holding her hand and singing some of her favorites to her.  Cherished time with my mom. Continue reading “Bonus Time”

Life Is Hard

I am not sure when or where the false hood started for me? Somewhere along the line, I bought into the idea that life is about being happy. You grow up and achieve, what you want to achieve, whatever that may be for you…Get married, buy a house, have a family, work hard, play hard, love your family, surround yourself with great friends, be good to others and Walaa, happy life! …Then reality hits! Continue reading “Life Is Hard”

Stay In Your Own Lane

Stay In Your Own Lane and I’m not talking about driving skills here, although the sentiment obviously applies there as well.  As I was driving today (in my own lane, I’ll have you know :-))  I was reminding myself that I need to do a better job of staying in my own lane in life.

I can have a tendency to drift into another person’s lane and I do it by comparing my life with someone else’s.  What a mistake that is!!  Do you ever fall into this same trap? Continue reading “Stay In Your Own Lane”

I’m Rich!!

I guess you would have to buy a lotto ticket to win millions. I’ve never bought one, but I’ve had some fun thinking about what I would do with my winnings! It’s amazing how we can always come up with something that we “need” 🙂

Truth be told as a middle class American I am richer than 99% of the planet’s population and yet at times, I am not content with what I have, I am thinking of the new furniture I’d like to have or that handbag that is calling my name.  It is so easy for me to get consumed with “stuff” and it’s so stupid, cause you and I both know, “stuff” doesn’t matter, it doesn’t last, it doesn’t even bring true happiness, in most cases “stuff” just leaves you wanting some more “stuff”! Continue reading “I’m Rich!!”

Learning To Count

I remember my dad saying to me multiple times growing up, “no child of mine is going to be an ingrate”! Is that even a word? Either way, I knew exactly what he meant and I knew that he also meant my attitude needed some adjusting and a little thanks and gratitude were in order. I would love to say that I now have this lesson down pat, but I regret to say, I still suffer from a less than pleasing attitude from time to time. Continue reading “Learning To Count”

It’s Not About Me

Well, it may sound highly self absorbed of me and it probably is, but one of my life long lessons has been learning that this life is “not about me”.  Boy, I’d like to say it’s been an easy lesson to learn, but I’d be lying, it’s tough and still can be on a frequent basis (confessions good for the soul, right?).

I can remember as a child when this painful truth just started to become apparent to me.  My birthday is on the 4th of July and every year for MY birthday a big multi-million dollar production of fireworks was set off for my special day, I even saw fireworks on the television, everyone was into celebrating MY special day…imagine my 5 year old horror when I realized the fireworks weren’t necessarily for ME, they had something to do with Independence day and freedom or something like that?!  Or imagine my shock, when I stay home from school because I’m sick and the school actually still opened without MY attendance!  The painful lesson began… Continue reading “It’s Not About Me”